Thursday, March 11, 2010

High Post 7: 1988 B.C.

Hi, first off, I want to say that I'm really high right now. Guess what the search term was that I plugged into Google Images just a second ago to find this picture? I wrote "nice pictures." Cause that's all anybody wants to see anyway. Just nice pictures. All the time. At the top of blogs. Three, I guess, pink, kind of reddish, smiling circular-faced things with weird spikes in their totally black eyes and don't seem human and oh my god what have I let into this blog. Ruuuuuuuuuuuun!!!!

It's been a minute since I blogged. I realize this. And actually "it's been a minute," a phrase used in the previous sentence, is actually a euphemism for a long amount of time. A long amount of time is a euphemism for gambling. Gambling is a serious disorder that can effect society. Society is full of douchebags. Douche bags are an actual sanitary product. Sanitary products are things that clean up other insanitary products, such as waste. This is a student paper. I. have. a. robot. voice. The world is composed of insanitary human beings. These beings dress and walk and talk like the rest of us. We all probably know them. Call them neighbor and bus and laughter. But these beings are actually...Insanitaries.

Okay, enough of this. This blog post is going nowhere. You're lost. Just pull over! Pull over and let me out of the blog. I just want to go home. Unlock these fucking doors and let me out of this blog...help. Help! HELP SOMEBODY HELP ME I'M TRAPPED IN MY OWN BLOG!!! I'M FUCKING TRAPPED IN MY I'm just kidding I'm not really trapped. I'm just writing this shit out. Into an Apple laptop computer. Off the top of the lap with it, you know. Off the top of the Duomo (Italy!) on my high school trip now this is a story all about how my goodness I'm high.

This is how my students write. They write like all students, who are in terms of such as them. Nevertheless, do all students write? Students, writing, and terms all function nevertheless. And this is the rub. Students who are also functions nevertheless write. To write was established in 1988 B.C.

ME: Yo, wouldn't it be like crazy if 1988 A.D. was actually the same things that happened in 1988 B.C.? But like only all the dudes turned into girls, and all the girls turned into dudes?

ME AGAIN: But then wait. How would you know who used to be a dude in B.C. and who used to be a chick? I'm not fucking no present chick who used to have a dick. Or vice versa.

ME: No, man. That's not what I'm talking about. Just SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME FINISH!!!!

ME AGAIN: Bite my nose off why don't you.

ME: I'm talking about...I'm talking about...You just got me so worked up just then just a second ago. What the fuck was I talking about?

ME AGAIN: 1988 B.C. was actually--

ME: Oh yeah right shutthefuckup so yeah what I was saying was that you wouldn't be no present dude if you were a girl, and you wouldn't be no present girl if you been a dude.

ME AGAIN: So, how would you know if you were really a dude or not?

ME: If you were a dude in 1988A.D., like us two are dudes right now, trapped in this blog, you would be a non-dude aka woman in 1988 B.C. So you would know. So you, for example, were a girl in 1988B.C.

ME AGAIN: Oh, yeah. What about you?

ME: I was a dude both times. (Pussy.)

This concludes our episode of "Mik Awake: Unusually Tired." As always thank you for reading. I think I'm just going to compose my blog posts like mail letters from now on. Like wouldn't it be funny if someone didn't understand the concept of a blog. And just wrote like actual letters into the blog. Because he thought he was mailing them. The dude would have to be old and a woman in 1988B.C. Or what if you treated it like a news cast every post?

Thanks again for tuning in. Good night, and sleep tight, and don't let those bedbugs bite, and watch out for polio, and that malaria is kind of going around so really tuck yourself in there, because I've seen the damage some of them bedbugs can do to human flesh, as well as herpes which is also really bad and can be transmitted by untight sleeping, or, as the medical profession calls it, loose slumber.

(Watch out for cancer.)

4 comments:

Chris said...

indeed. quite so. indeed, yes.

Lauren said...

I need more of this in my life

Mik A. said...

This is a blog comments area reserved for scholarly debate. Therefore, Chris and Lauren, consider yourselves disagreed with.

Lauren said...

I disagree with your desire for our disagreement.