Wednesday, September 16, 2009

WHITE GUILT/BLACK GUILT


White Guilt: Sorry for going first.

Black Guilt: No worries. Sorry I didn’t take the initiative.

White Guilt: Hey, man. I just wanted to say…Man, I’m really sorry
about, well, everything. It just makes me sick to my stomach to think
about it.

Black Guilt: Totally not your fault. Actually, I’m the one who should
apologize. There’s so much disgusting reverse stuff going on nowadays.
I feel awful. I can’t believe you’ve felt this way for so long. How
come you never said anything?

White Guilt: No biggie. Really. Reverse racism is a total oxymoron. I
don't even understand it.

Black Guilt: I do, and I'm sorry for it. I’m sorry about your
firefighters getting passed over for a promotion in New Haven. So
terrible, dude.

White Guilt: Pssht! That’s nothing compared to the systemic racism
that continues to widen the income gap between our wealthy, amazing
families and your very sad, poor ones. Really sorry.

Black Guilt: Don’t fret. I’m sorry about that whole Sotomayor thing.
She had no right to generalize about you guys like that. I know tons
of really wise white dudes.

White Guilt: Thank you.

Black Guilt: Maybe not tons…Samuel Beckett. He was white, right?

White Guilt: More or less. I’m sorry he won the Nobel Prize for Literature.

Black Guilt: I’m sorry Toni Morrison played the race card.

White Guilt: Sorry about that whole Skip Gates thing. That was awkward.

Black Guilt: Listen, I’m sorry for the way we assume that all white
cops are racist when they’re probably just doing their jobs.

White Guilt: I’m sorry for racial profiling.

Black Guilt: I’m sorry about Obama’s “stupidly” comment. And about
Obama in general. I can’t believe he’s been in office almost a year
now. It feels like it’s been forever since there’s been a white
president. Sorry about that.

White Guilt: No, I’m sorry we’ve been hogging it for the previous 219 years!

Black Guilt: Ha ha ha. No sweat. I’m sorry Tiger Woods owns your sport.

White Guilt: I’m sorry Eminem owned your musical form.

Black Guilt: Owned or leased?

White Guilt: Either way. Ha ha ha.

Black Guilt: I’m sorry the whole penis thing didn’t work out in your favor.

White Guilt: No worries. Old myths die hard.

Black Guilt: Right. Myths.

White Guilt: I’m sorry we think you’re lazy.

Black Guilt: I’m sorry our comedians do hilarious impressions of you.

White Guilt: I’m sorry in sixth grade you thought Jessica Mills didn’t
like you because you were black when it was because you kept wetting
yourself before talking to her.

Black Guilt: That’s okay. I’m sorry I got into Dartmouth and you got waitlisted.

White Guilt: Water under the bridge. I’m sorry you couldn’t vote until 1870.

Black Guilt: 1965.

White Guilt: Whatever.

Black Guilt:

White Guilt:

Black & White Guilt: Sorry.

4 comments:

Bryan said...

[Post-Racial American busts into room, clutching a half-empty bottle of booze]

WHO'S READY TO PARTY!?!?!

Bryan said...

/vomits on self

Bilen said...

oh enough with all this guilt!

plus, isn't that a jewish/catholic thing anyway???

ps - post-racial america got blown up by W. Kamau Bell http://www.wkamaubell.com/
caught his show at fringenyc and literally peed my pants. thank god for upsholstered seats.

Anonymous said...

Интересно написано....но многое остается непонятнымb