Wednesday, September 16, 2009


White Guilt: Sorry for going first.

Black Guilt: No worries. Sorry I didn’t take the initiative.

White Guilt: Hey, man. I just wanted to say…Man, I’m really sorry
about, well, everything. It just makes me sick to my stomach to think
about it.

Black Guilt: Totally not your fault. Actually, I’m the one who should
apologize. There’s so much disgusting reverse stuff going on nowadays.
I feel awful. I can’t believe you’ve felt this way for so long. How
come you never said anything?

White Guilt: No biggie. Really. Reverse racism is a total oxymoron. I
don't even understand it.

Black Guilt: I do, and I'm sorry for it. I’m sorry about your
firefighters getting passed over for a promotion in New Haven. So
terrible, dude.

White Guilt: Pssht! That’s nothing compared to the systemic racism
that continues to widen the income gap between our wealthy, amazing
families and your very sad, poor ones. Really sorry.

Black Guilt: Don’t fret. I’m sorry about that whole Sotomayor thing.
She had no right to generalize about you guys like that. I know tons
of really wise white dudes.

White Guilt: Thank you.

Black Guilt: Maybe not tons…Samuel Beckett. He was white, right?

White Guilt: More or less. I’m sorry he won the Nobel Prize for Literature.

Black Guilt: I’m sorry Toni Morrison played the race card.

White Guilt: Sorry about that whole Skip Gates thing. That was awkward.

Black Guilt: Listen, I’m sorry for the way we assume that all white
cops are racist when they’re probably just doing their jobs.

White Guilt: I’m sorry for racial profiling.

Black Guilt: I’m sorry about Obama’s “stupidly” comment. And about
Obama in general. I can’t believe he’s been in office almost a year
now. It feels like it’s been forever since there’s been a white
president. Sorry about that.

White Guilt: No, I’m sorry we’ve been hogging it for the previous 219 years!

Black Guilt: Ha ha ha. No sweat. I’m sorry Tiger Woods owns your sport.

White Guilt: I’m sorry Eminem owned your musical form.

Black Guilt: Owned or leased?

White Guilt: Either way. Ha ha ha.

Black Guilt: I’m sorry the whole penis thing didn’t work out in your favor.

White Guilt: No worries. Old myths die hard.

Black Guilt: Right. Myths.

White Guilt: I’m sorry we think you’re lazy.

Black Guilt: I’m sorry our comedians do hilarious impressions of you.

White Guilt: I’m sorry in sixth grade you thought Jessica Mills didn’t
like you because you were black when it was because you kept wetting
yourself before talking to her.

Black Guilt: That’s okay. I’m sorry I got into Dartmouth and you got waitlisted.

White Guilt: Water under the bridge. I’m sorry you couldn’t vote until 1870.

Black Guilt: 1965.

White Guilt: Whatever.

Black Guilt:

White Guilt:

Black & White Guilt: Sorry.


Bryan said...

[Post-Racial American busts into room, clutching a half-empty bottle of booze]


Bryan said...

/vomits on self

Bilen said...

oh enough with all this guilt!

plus, isn't that a jewish/catholic thing anyway???

ps - post-racial america got blown up by W. Kamau Bell
caught his show at fringenyc and literally peed my pants. thank god for upsholstered seats.

Anonymous said...

Интересно написано....но многое остается непонятнымb