Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Sent via Yo Mama

I’m probably not alone in being an enemy of Personal Digital Assistants. A few years back, I had one ‘o them thangs and quickly realized that I preferred to keep my Gmail-and-Facebook-checking addiction separate from my text-checking one. When the two forces met in my old BlackBerry, the results were, in the words of TLC, unpretty. My emails became more like texts. K thx bye. My texts became more like emails. I will see you in a little bit unless you want to meet later in which case that’s totally cool with me or if you don’t want to meet at all just send me a long ass text message like this one that takes up seven texts so I know, K thx bye.

But the single strangest and most annoying thing to me about these futuristic devices is the extent to which they shamelessly brag about who they are. I know everyone gets these emails now which you think are emails at first, only to get to the end of them and discover a final smug phrase introduced by two words: “Sent via…”

Sent via BlackBerry. Or: Sent via my iPhone.

Consider that: My iPhone. Not yours. Mine. Just in case you were confused, because sometimes you might think that you’ve sent yourself a fake email which you couldn’t wait a couple minutes until you got in front of a computer to sit down and respond to like a normal human being.

I often try to visualize the people sending me these messages, see them standing outside their buildings, cigarette in one hand, small computer in the other, winking as a pretty girl walks by. Now he’s holding up his PDA. “It’s a G-Phone,” he says. “In case you were wondering.”

Can you imagine if all of our messages carried with them some kind of vital information about the means by which they were sent? How annoying would that be? This post, for example, would be stamped with: “Sent via A Shitty PC With Something Called A KeyTronic Keyboard Which I’m Supposed to Be Doing Work on But Which I’m Using to Write Stupid Blog Entries That No One Will Read.”

Or if my text messages all ended with “Sent via Weird Pantech Phone Which T-Mobile Doesn’t Recognize as A Real Phone and Which My Cousin Gave Me Out of Charity.”

Or if all my flirty fun emails to girls ended with “Sent via a Laptop Which A Few Minutes Ago I Used to Download a Video of Two Hot Lesbian Nurses Breaking All Kinds of Hippocratic Oaths.”

This is not a world I want to live in.

Sent via Just Keeping It Real


Bryan said...

You should have Twittered this

redrumk said...

this is quality work guy

D.jones said...

FACT: Eman used to have a PINK phone. real talk.

Ammanuel Admassu said...

Jones, Stop snitchin'! Mik, welcome back.

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