Dear Grand Web Wizards,
So-called folks are talkin bout a new so-called website so-called Blackle, which they're sayin is a so-called energy-efficient Google "alternative." Now, you know how I hate that word "alternative." It makes me think of left-handed computer mice and that she-man Arianna Huffington.
Apparently, quote-unquote "scientists" are saying that an all-white web page is less efficient than an all-black page. They say our screens use 74 watts of energy whereas them pages use only 59 watts.
Hmph! Pardon me for sneering at this reverse racism.
As someone who's an avowed white-screen supremacist, I wonder where these so-called facts and figures are coming from? From the National Association for the Advancement of Colored Personal Computers, no doubt.
My friends of the illustrious Wu Wlux Wlan (commonly referred in internet-ese as "www"), I say to you today that we must stop this anti-white screen propaganda!
As we all know, black web pages are evil. They're ruining this country. They're lethargic and don't load as quickly. They rely on the support of all-white web pages like Google. Blackle wouldn't have a pot to piss in if it weren't for all the genius and hard-work of all-white screen pages. When the black screens actually do get to loadin, we all know how agressive they can get. They're like animals! They're more agressive, more prone to violent...scroll-downs. Although black web pages perform better--in an athletic sense, if you will--than white web pages, they don't test as well. What's more, they're stealing all of our women!
We must stop this energy efficiency rhetoric before it gets out of hand and destroys all white-screen pages. Let's keep White Google and Black Google separate. But equal.
And to all my so-called friends with one of these new-fangled black-screen pages, you better hope I don't catch you in a chat room...Let's just put it this way, I will burn a cross of snark all over your front lawn.
President & Founder, Wu Wlux Wlan