Despite certain accurate comparisons to Lisa Simpson, it's weird how unexcited I am by Hillary Clinton. I haven't even so much as seen Hillary's website, which is why earlier today I decided to drop in and check it out. After navigating past the obligatory "Show Your Support" intro, the first thing I noticed, under a coiffed action portrait of Hill holding a mic, with pursed lips, full of gravitas, was this gem of a video.
If you didn't have the patience to click and watch it, I'll explain what this video covers. Titled "African American Men for Hillary," the film opens with the Senator, wearing a very yellow outfit, giving weirdly-way-too-excited hugs, daps, kisses, soul shakes to the front row of an audience full of black dudes.
Cut to: Charles "Hi, I'm the Ghost of Adam Clayton Powell, Jr." Rangel giving a speech about how awesome Hillary would be as president. Cut to: Bob Johnson, billionaire founder of BET, giving props to Hillary. Cut to: another black dude saying she's the shit. And another. And another. We get it. It's a big weird political gangbang with Bill's wife in the center.
(A bunch of black dudes gush about how much they love a white woman: I bet Hillary had to search day and night to find that.)
The reality of the situation is this. This maudlin, staged, vaguely offensive video, and its prominent placement on her website, is (like everything she seems to do) painfully strategic. Why? Because Hillary wouldn't need it if she didn't have to deal with the threat of MC Skinny-Kid-With-A-Funny-Name, a.k.a. Sir-Hopes-A-Lot, a.k.a. That-Dude-From-the-DNC, a.k.a. Barack "I took a book tour and flipped it into a presidential campaign--how you love that?" Obama).
As you may have seen on the YouTube debates, Hillary and Barack got into it. It was the first shot fired in what I'm hoping will be an ongoing freestyle rap battle for leadership of the free world. I didn't see the whole debate, but I caught clips and read some analyses and shit, and I can pretty much sum up the verbal sparring between Hillary and Obama this way:
Joe America: Yo, Barack, you down with Iran and shit?
Obama: I ain't down with Iran and them cats, but I'll talk to a nigga, you feel me. If he got something to say, ain't no harm in that, 'na mean. We can break bread.
Joe America: Yo, Hillary, how you love that?
Hillary: This fool is a chump, yo. What you want to talk to that crazy [expletive] for? You prolly gullible enough to believe some shit he'd tell you...[throws mic down and mutters out of range] I can't talk to this [expletive].
Joe America: Ooooooh, snap!
Barack: Hillary, that business suit really makes you look fat.
Joe America: [jumping up and down, cackling with his hand over his mouth, burying his face in his nearby friend's shoulder]
Barack: Like disgusting fat.
Hillary's "African-American Men for Hillary" video says that even though I'm going toe-to-toe with an African-American man for the Democratic nomination, I still love the brothas and the brothas still love me. With this video, she has license now to say what she wants to Barack without people thinking that she doesn't hate all black men--just those who stand between her and Frodo's ring. And since everyone pretty much knows that Hillary's going to get the white woman vote, it's also a way of saying, even the dudes that would seem to be ideal Obama supporters are down with me instead.
Also, I wonder if Hillary's advisors have ever seen any Spike Lee movies, because with this video, they've just lost the black woman vote.